Notes on the Chakras: Sahasrara

In the terms of the classical system, the seventh chakra, Sahasrara, is the finish point. It resides at the top of the head or in some observations, just above the head and it's visualized as a thousand petal lotus that shines with the radiance of pure spirit. It is the point of connection between us and the Universe. In theory, if all the chakras are spinning and the seventh is open, then you are in tune with the cosmos and open to her wisdom.

I won't say much about this one and not because I don't have much to say. I could wax on about definitions of divine and the interconnection of things or even delve into the quantum revelations of modern science and the effect the observer has on the observed just by the effort of observing. It's heady stuff and I love it but I hesitate to discuss it openly.

I don't like messing with a person's idea of God, the Goddess or the Divine. It's a very old rule of mine that states "Thou shall not tamper with another's faith." If I am approached and questioned, I am willing to have a guarded discussion about faith and dogma and religion and so on. But I don't think it's right to hold up banners claiming to know anything for certain when ideas concerning the divine and spiritual matters are constantly evolving in even the most faithful.

This chakra is about your personal relationship with whatever you choose to call the energy that is greater than all of us. But that's just it. It's personal. If we choose to talk about it in a quiet setting over coffee and a simple dessert, there will be an agreement concerning open minds and a lack of judgement. And I may even get it in writing.

I wish it wasn't this way actually. I wish we could talk freely and openly and have nothing to fear about discussing the various ways that everyone sees their own spirituality. But, alas, it cannot be. We just haven't made it that far as a species yet.

You see, people hate each other over the perceived differences in spiritual perspective. People kill each other over perceived differences in spiritual perspective. Think about that. Wars are fought, atrocities are encouraged over differences in spiritual opinion.

So, I'm sorry but we just can't talk about it. It's too subjective, too dependent on personal experience and the dogma that was shoveled onto tender young minds. How can we threaten that? Those are traditions, mind you, passed down through generations with prejudices and preconceived notions intact. We can't threaten these with new ideas or evolving notions. It's just too much.

But it's a shame though. Even a passing glance at some form of comparative religions studies will leave most with the impression that a thousand different cultures were all trying to describe the same thing with different words and at different times. It's like they were standing in the museum staring at the most beautiful painting that was ever created and then they were asked to describe it.  Words fail, of course, and opinions form about what they saw, or what they think they saw. But the painting is still there, somewhere and some seek it out through the corridors of the self, hoping for just a glimpse at perfection, a personal communion with all that could be without the dogma and the prejudices and the notions.

But we can't talk about that. Because, what would we say, really? I mean, I could point out that the painting may not even exist. I could bring up the fact that a thousand sages across a thousand ages have all agreed that its not the painting that is important, but the journey to the painting that brings wisdom and enlightenment. But if a thousand sages said it all those times and so few listened, why would I just rehash what no one wants to hear? Active spirituality is work. The answers are not easy and forthcoming. And sitting in a pile of dogma is so comfortable and easy.

So I won't say anything. I leave this chakra to be explored by the willing or ignored. And I will just have to hope that those brave enough to explore will have the sense to realize that what you bring to this chakra is what you will see. Be careful with what you carry, be wary of the mask you wear when you step into this light. In many ways it can be a mirror, a reflection of yourself within and without. This is one of the reasons the ancients sought to clear the lower chakras before opening this window to the divine so that their vision would be unfettered with the expectations of this physical plane.

And, see? Now we are just getting into crazy talk and I just won't go there. This is me, holding my hands up, gently stepping away. I have to have faith that you will find the path that you intended to find. There is a plan, after all, or I have faith that there is a plan. Or I have some inkling that time is a construct of perception and that everything that will ever happen has already happened and we just experience it in a linear fashion in order to get the most out of it. That is an interesting thought, though. Everything has already happened and we just have to get there. Or is every second birthed from the second before? Or does it matter either way?

Maybe not. It may not matter at all. Which is why you might notice that the "enlightened" have a tendency to shrug a lot. Does it matter? Eh, we'll see. Live in the moment. Answer to the now. Breath and wait without expectation.

We'll see.

And that could be the perfect answer to everything.

But enough of this. I leave this here at the end that can never end and hope that I haven't said too much. Not just about this particular chakra but all of them, the entire system. I feel the need to offer a disclaimer that these ideas and impressions are my own and there are much more qualified authorities on such matters that should be referenced and cross referenced. In the age of the Internet, the first rule is "Find three sources for everything". This project was my own attempt to clarify my own impressions and filter years of study. I have much more to learn and I can even admit that I have no idea what the next step in this journey is.

I guess, we'll see.

Notes on the Chakras: Ajna

What is real?

What is the definition of reality?

For most, this isn't even a question. "Real" defines itself. "Reality" is proof of reality. I'm here, aren't I? How much more "real" can you get?

But what if we remove the filter of subjective perception? What's left? What are we actually experiencing in the midst of this crazy mishmash of energy and matter? Our brains take the perception of various wavelengths of radiation through ocular nerves and process that mess into a coherent vision of a local reality. But what if our nerves or brains or eyes were different? Would reality be different?

Questions such as these bring us to the sixth chakra. It is called Anja and its job is to mitigate the illusion.

Some would immediately argue that point. Some would say that Anja is meant to see past the illusion, not mitigate or control. This is the most glamorous chakra, after all, often touted as the gateway to enlightenment and an obvious focal point for meditation. It's location is at the brow point between the eyes which is why it's referred to as the "third eye", an apt description that has easily leaked into popular culture. It's the source of wisdom and the intellect, intuition and the conscious and unconscious mind. Open this chakra and you see things as they truly are.

"As they truly are..."

I have issues with that phrase. I think it's misleading at best and dangerous at the far end. It implies that we are all in the thrall of a collective psychotic break, that reality is not what it seems at a base level and if we try real hard, we can see what "real" reality looks like.

Well . . . Maybe? As a fan of fantasy and science fiction, I am very open to the idea of other realities and universes and the idea that there is more above and below this realm of experience. But I also realize that the core reality is just that. The core. The base. The collective experience that we all can agree on.

Some of this inherent confusions come from the eastern concepts of maya which can be translated as "illusion" or even "delusions". A lot of the older texts discuss overcoming maya and using the sixth chakra to do it. This is one of the many instances where I would love to be able to read the original text in the original languages in order to draw my own conclusions. The western ideas of maya translate into the idea that the reality itself is the illusion to be overcome and that may be the case but I am beginning to believe that it's not reality that's the illusion but our perception of reality that's not real.

It goes back to that filter of subjective perception. The word "subjective" as defined buy Google means "based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions." How many of us can say that we view reality without the influence of feelings or opinions based on past experiences?

Imagine your mind as a video recording device that started fresh and new and free of any preconceived notions. Now imagine that any experience you have is represented by a tinted glass, a filter than can fit onto the lens of your recording device. Your begin recording and each experience adds a filter to the lens. So the perception of your reality is tinted by the filters of experiences to the point that you may not even see reality for what it truly is.

So, maybe it's not reality that's the illusion. Maybe it's our perception of reality that is the illusion.

The sixth chakra is the lens to our recording device and it holds the filters we've placed their throughout our lives. Let's keep in mind though, that we may have come into this life to collect some filters and experience things from a particular subjective viewpoint. But to have control of the filters, to see with clarity and a heightened sense of spiritual awareness is a noble goal. A lot of chakra work has to do with clearing up issues so that one can act consciously as opposed to reacting subconsciously. Being able to perceive a situation or person clearly is a huge step toward such goals.

So what is real?

Does it really matter? If you choose to embrace the filters that tint your perception then your reality will always be your version of reality, your version of "real". If you choose to let them go, then you see reality for what it is and go from there. To a degree, your filters define you as a person. The collection of experiences, both painful and joyous, created the personas we cling to like driftwood in a turbulent sea. To let them go means you might have to sink into unknown waters and find yourself swimming with the real you.

And I can't imagine it getting more real than that.

Notes on the Chakras: Vissuddha

So we come the fifth chakra and I almost don't know what to say.

Which is ironic considering that the fifth chakra is the throat chakra, the center of speech and communication and listening and expressing. I've heard it called the chakra of consequence due to the fact that words have power and how we express ourselves to the world is our effect on that world. Some express too much and some express too little but I have to wonder what the balance is. The eternal challenge is when to speak and when to shut up. And I usually opt for remaining quiet for a variety of reasons.

This chakra is my personal challenge which may be why I'm finding it difficult to talk about it. Full disclosure: I am painfully shy. So shy, in fact, that to walk into a room full of people takes a supreme effort. I'm a little better one on one but I am intimidated by groups of people I don't know.

Now, those that know me personally would scoff at this. My writer's sense of detached observation married with my six foot six frame gives me an unintentionally intimidating presence. So I don't look shy. And if you approach me, we will have a good conversation. If the conversation steers towards a topic that I am well versed in such as pottery you will have a hard time getting me to shut up. I have spent time in front of groups of people speaking off the cuff, following all the rules of public speaking such a making eye contact and projecting my voice and trying not to say "um" after every other sentence. So most of those that know me might not accept that I battle shyness in almost every social encounter. But I do. I've had 40-something years to work on it but rest assured, there is scared little five year old inside of me that would rather stand off to the side of the playground, looking down and kicking dirt clods rather than risk a bad social encounter.

But I think I've done well. I have faced my fear and let it pass over me. And I have been fortunate that special people took an extra step and said the extra word to close the gap a bit so I didn't have so far to reach to make that first connection. Those people were friends before we ever met and I am eternally grateful. I am also grateful for those friends who truly know me and understood my battles and either had my back or held the door open so I could escape if i needed too and did so without commentary or judgement.

Because judging someone else's fear is wrong. What right does anyone have to tell someone else that their fear is illegitimate? When you are truly afraid of something, the most real thing in your universe at that moment is that fear and to have someone stand and state that your fear is stupid or silly is a direct attack on that person's reality. You can offer rationalizations to help guide a person through their fear and you can offer understanding so that they know they are not alone. Or you can just offer a hand to hold which can be an anchor in the storm that makes the fear less real. But to dismiss their fear is to dismiss their experience and how can you climb over the mountain if someone is constantly telling you the mountain isn't there?

This leads back to the fact that your words have consequence. How you express yourself is the imprint you leave on your local reality.

You can help or you can hurt.

So what do I have to say about this chakra?

Not much really. Obviously, it's the one I've worked on the most without realizing it and it's the one that still needs a lot of attention. I think it will always be a work in progress more so than the other chakras due to my artistic endeavors which I believe is another expression of this particular chakra.

Because that is what art is. Philosophers struggle all the time with the definition of art but in the end it is just a means of expression, an encapsulation of an experience. At some point long ago, someone was inspired to paint on a cave wall and an idea was conveyed, an experience was communicated and the totality of the human experience was accelerated because suddenly the idea could be conveyed and the experience could be communicated.

(Some would attached the artistic endeavor to the next chakra up which has a lot to do with "seeing" and "perceiving" but I don't see it that way. The fourth chakra feels. The fifth chakra expresses. The sixth chakra perceives. Or at least it thinks it does. We'll delve into illusions and the nature of reality with a later post.)

So it's all about expression and all that it entails. We have an inner reality and through the fifth chakra, we express that inner reality to convey the idea and the experience. I find it interesting that the name of this chakra, Vissuddha, means "purification" in sanskrit because as we express that inner reality, we purify the experiences and purge the inner reality and if we choose to not express, to hold it all in, to hide the good and the bad, then we putrefy. We can find a way to let it out that is healthy and expressive. Or we can find a way to express it in such a way that's not so healthy and probably a bit destructive. Or we can rot. It's a bit crazy how often the importance of this chakra is glazed over in favor of the "love" of the fourth or the glamour of sixth.

So what do I really have to say about this chakra?

Ok, probably too much. I could go on about the nature and means of expression and how it can be judged for good or bad and I could talk art for pages and pages and it would be really interesting on a personal level to talk about some of the conversations I've had with that scared little five year old I mentioned above. I don't think people realize the power of going back and talking to the person you once were and trying to work through different issues. Because that person you once were is still in there somewhere and they might still need help.

See, I could go on and on.

But I really need to shut up.

Because I honestly can't tell if I've said too much.

Or if I haven't said enough.

Notes on the Chakras: Anahata

The fourth chakra, called Anahata, is deemed most important in many yoga traditions. It's the center of feeling, the source of caring, the fountain of compassion and the engine of love that drives our spiritual connection to this physical illusion. When it's open and nurtured, we feel connections and empathy towards the world. When it's closed, we feel isolated and alone.

Now, interestingly enough, I don't think too much about this particular chakra but I pay attention to it all the time. For me, it's the center of the system and the gate to processing what the other chakras are radiating. It's like a window into your current spiritual being and if you pause and listen you give yourself a chance to act instead of react. If you have a chest clenching rush of fear, you should be able to pause, sit in the emotion and analyze if your body is actually in physical danger. If you take a hit to the ego and the third chakra wilts away for a moment, you can stop and decide whether or not to take what was said or done personally and allow it to affect you. When Anahata is open, you have time to feel the connections and understand more fully the emotional content of any given situation and act accordingly rather than reacting badly.

But that's a lot of responsibility, isn't it? To consciously act rather than react? It removes the "I just wasn't thinking" excuse from the the table and you must accept that your actions have consequence especially when you act consciously.  Reacting is easy and gets easier as Anahata shuts down and you lose those connections and that empathy that links you to the world.

It's those connections that make the world real. Many would argue the point but the way I see it, without Anahata, we exist, but we are not "here". With the first chakra, I can eat, run and survive. With the second chakra I can procreate. With the third chakra I can make my space and protect it. But with the fourth chakra, we connect. We plug in. We empathize and relate our base experience with the experiences of others and suddenly we are "here". We are in this reality and we are together.

So the joys and sorrows that each level of experience can bring manifests in the heart.  Imagine the warm fuzzy feeling a full pantry or a full tank of gas brings. That's a first chakra glow that manifests in your chest. How about the blessed ache that the sight of a beautiful woman brings, that little knot of nervous energy that happens right behind your sternum. Second chakra chiming in. How about the chest puffing glow that you get from a compliment that feeds energy straight to the third chakra?

It all happens in the chest, in the flower of Anahata. And being open and connected allows us to be here and now and fully in the moment which is the goal of almost all the spiritual disciplines.

But let's talk about love for just a moment since most sources will take this chakra and the sense of connection, call it "love" and be done with it.

Some would call me a cynic. I think of myself as a realist. I'll answer to either tag so I don't see that it matters. But full disclosure is in order for me to state that the word "love" is over used.

It's a marketing ploy and little else. It's a word that has some crazy generalized associations that is abused by manipulators and greeting card companies to get what they want. The word has so many associations and so many levels and layers that it is very possible that no two people could give you an accurate description, much less a definition.

"But that's what makes it magical," someone will say.

No, that's what makes it useless. Words have definitions. Words have meanings. When one word has so many levels of meanings, it becomes diluted.

If someone uses the word "love", what do they mean? If you let the love flow, what is flowing?  Which kind of love are we talking about? Is it the love a man feels for a woman? Well if everyone feels that for everyone, this is going to get kinky quick. How about the love a parent feels for a child? That love is crazy powerful and you don't realize how powerful until you feel it but it is very focused. How about the love for a medium rare steak and bourbon over ice? Hell, I'd marry it. But is it love? I might die for the love of a woman. I will die the love a child. I'm not that worried about a good steak served with alcohol no matter how much I love it.

But cynicism/realism aside, this comes down to a shifting point of reference and everyone stands on a different point when referring to love and that point is formed by life experiences, both past and present.

So is it possible to have a universal point of reference?

I don't know.

But I read a book on lucid dreaming once called The Lucid Dreamer: A Waking Guide for the Traveler Between Worldsand it described  mystics who had seen things and understood those things as only mystics can. But when they tried to explain, they could only sit and cry because there were no words to describe just how beautifully connected everything is.

That's a pretty interesting reference point.  Love is the moment where words fail.

So I guess it's alright to use the word "love" and acknowledge the degrees and shifting points of reference while realizing that language is not powerful enough to address the possibilities. But I still think "connection" is a more accurate description and the connection can be cultivated in Anahata without confusing it with marketing ploys.

And the more we cultivate, the closer we get to that moment where words cannot explain the oneness of the universe.

Notes on the Chakras: Manipura

So we've worked our way up from Muladhara to Swadhistana and now we come to Manipura. The basics are out of the way. We survive and thrive and seek creation through means both subtle and overt and so we can begin to actually develop a sense of self. We can worry with an ego and the baggage that it brings.  We survive, we thrive and we discover our boundaries.

Manipura is located behind the solar plexus and is associated the element of fire. So we've moved up from the earth (Muladhara) to water (Swadhistana) and now we have the fire. I find this chakra particularly interesting since this is the one a lot of the martial art traditions point to as a source of energy and power. It's fascinating study of cross cultural references to the same thing. Yoga has prana and the various martial arts of china and japan have chi. It's the same stuff and although the methods of manipulation of this energy vary, a lot of the philosophy is remarkably similar.

And it's not surprising that some of the martial arts traditions consider this a source of power since that's basically what Manipura is all about: Power. But not power in the traditional western sense. This is the power of the self, the structure of the ego. This is the force of will and the sense of individualism.

But let's begin by looking at the idea of "power". In the West, when someone says "power", it is assumed that they are referring to power over something or someone. It's an external thing mostly. A measure of someone's mark on the world or the extent of their influence. But power can mean something else especially if approached from an eastern or shamanic viewpoint. In this version, power is internal and personal. In the West power is measured by lines on a map. The power we speak of here is more like fires in the furnace.

It's more about the sense of self that can lead to your level of influence on the material world. The ego is a fluid and dangerous thing, inflating and deflating on the whims of fate. Some people fill up a room with their ego, their personal power. Some huddle in the corner and hide since their egos are like flickering candle flames in a breezy room. To a large degree, it's all about how we see ourselves in relation to the world but it's also how we think others see us as well.

It just couldn't be simple, could it?  But one should notice that the story gets more complicated the higher we move up the chakra ladder. Survival is a pretty basic concept. Sex is definitely more complicated that survival. But we have to add a layer of identity over the survival and sex and now we have a bit of a mess since all the chakras reflect aspects of the others. That's a mistake a lot of students of the chakra system make almost immediately. They isolate the chakras from the others and study them individually, eventually forgetting how much they influence each other.

As an example, let's return to the analogy of the third chakra being the flaming furnace of ego. The brighter the furnace burns the more confidence we feel and the more secure we feel with our place in the world. In a sense, we can say that the other chakras can fuel or feed from this furnace. So if we feel secure in the first chakra and we feel comfortable in our physical environment as in all our needs are met, the ego is fine. It may be bolstered even. I have food. Shelter. I must be doing something right! The furnace is fed. On the contrary, a lack of resources and the onset of hunger can mess with one's mind and seriously dampen the fires of confidence.

Same thing goes for the second chakra. Sex is gasoline to the furnace of the third chakra. If someone has sex with us we must be all right in someone's book and that feeds the furnace. Confidence is bolstered (usually) and we feel better about our place in the world especially in relation to the creative vibe of the second chakra. Rejection and the denial of sensuality can suppress the ego and suddenly we question not only our value but also how others value and perceive us.

Security in the physical world is an underlying theme of the first three chakras. Basic needs directing our place in the world on many levels. Consider how the lack of security on any of those levels can drive behaviors and provide motivations.

From here on up is the path of the spirit, the emotions and feelings and connections to higher consciousness. But we can not deny the anchor of the first three chakras that work to give us presence in this physical world. We came here for a reason, to be in these body and experience the reality of the physical and learning how the needs and desires and the furnace of the ego dance together and make life happen is a sure path to self discovery.

Notes on the Chakras: Swadhistana

So let's talk about sex.

This chakra is Swadhistana and it's traditionally located about an inch or so below the navel. It's associated with the ovaries and prostate and it's element is water. It is the next logical progression, the step up from Muladhara where our main concern was survival. If we have survived and become somewhat comfortable in that space, the next concern would be to procreate to ensure the survival of the species. Every organism on the planet responds to this energy in some way. Along with hunger, it is one of the primary forces that drives behaviors and provides motivations and that makes many people very uncomfortable.

This is the chakra that everyone stutters and stammers over while claiming that it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with pleasure and sensuality and the connection to the physical world through the experience of sensation. But really it's just about sex. And the fact that the average western mind is so bothered by the idea of the overt discussion of procreation on a basic level speaks volumes especially when modern media is awash with sexual imagery and innuendo. The paradox is actually staggering if you stop and think about it. You can't talk about the subject without giggling behind your hand but the media and marketing moguls can use it all day long to sell whatever they want and that's fine.

This is troublesome to say the least. The current iteration of humans has severely mucked up sexuality on so many levels. We can't talk about it. But we have to have it.  But we can't have it. And we will tell others what they can't and can have and who the they can have it with. And everywhere you look flickering images and giant billboards that basically scream "Buy me and you can have SEX!".

Is it really that complicated though? Sex at it's most basic is a method of reproduction. Sex is for making babies and it's made pleasurable to encourage the baby making.

Now, of course, here comes the Hallmark Channel crowd that is going to call me a cretin and explain, tearfully, no doubt, that "making love" is a beautiful act of intimacy that shouldn't be sullied with words like "sex" and "reproduction". Which is part of the problem. Yes, sex is intimate. No other act is perhaps more intimate. But sex is for making babies. Covering up the basic mechanics of the situation with pretty words has not helped the evolution of humans one bit.

(Although it has helped some teenage boys in their early sexual endeavors. How many "birds and bees" conversations with young girls started out with "When a man and a woman are in love . . ."? How many boys used the opening provided by crying "But, baby, if you loved me . . ." to get what they want?)

But why is it so complicated? Well, for one, sex is intimate but having a baby with someone is that intimacy multiplied by a thousand. Your lives come locked together for the duration and nothing brings out the pure human in a person like parenthood. Rarely are such concerns present in the initial intimacy but search for birth control and the panic over a missed period show such concerns to be real. Other reasons for the complication include the effects of peer pressure, societal pressure, psychological pressures and physical pressures via hormones.

And those hormones should not be underestimated. It is amazing what a male type person at various stages of life will say and do in order to procreate. The power of the physical drive is frightening sometimes but it is the drive to ensure the continuation of the species. That's not an excuse for bad behavior. Just an observation of the evolutionary consequences.

So this chakra stays muddy for a lot of people. The desires are there, possibly weighed down by guilt or other psychological expressions and the desires are reinforced by media and while fears are enhanced with talk of unwanted pregnancies and STD's. To add to the mess, this chakra gets a lot of feedback from another chakra called Anahata or the heart chakra or the fourth chakra if you keep track by numbers. Anahata is the feeling center where emotions are processed and expressed and saying that there may be some feedback to Swadhistana may be understating the situation. It's more like a feedback loop.

Anahata:  I have feelings for this person.
Swadhistana:  Do you desire them physically?
Anahata:  Maybe?
Swadhistana:  But you have feelings for them.
Anahata: Yes.
Swadhistana: So you should make a baby!
Anahata:  NO!
Swadhistana:  But you said you had feelings.
Anahata:  I do but I just desire intimacy with this person.
Swadhistana:  Babies are intimate.
Anahata:  I SAID NO!

And sometimes the loop starts with Swadhistana as in the physical attraction is there but the feelings are not but develop through the implied intimacy. One can see how things stay muddied with both of these chakras.

So what to do? How do we balance this chakra and keep the prana flowing?

Honestly there is not a simple answer to that question.  We've concentrated on the sexual aspect but while sex is the focus, sensuality and pleasure is the byproduct which is often why this chakra gets associated with just sensuality and pleasure. But how many deny themselves even simple pleasures because of some associated guilt that connects all pleasure to sexual pleasure. And since sex is bad how can pleasure be good?

We need to ease back on the judgement. And easing back on the judgement does not mean we are giving up sexual responsibility. We drop the unwarranted guilt while still maintaining our ethical centers when it comes to choosing partners for intimacy and parents for our children. We can marvel at the physical sensation of this world and we should not feel guilty that we are experiencing this life on that physical level.

Swadhistana is the part of us that is searching for that experience, the physical experience of this life from the baby-making all the way down to that bite of chocolate. And savoring that bite of chocolate, a sip of wine or even the sun on our skin all speaks to the realness of being alive. Simple pleasures can feed the energy of this chakra as much as the full blown experience of a sexual encounter.

And we shouldn't judge. We shouldn't judge ourselves and we definitely shouldn't judge others in the midst of their own experiences. If anything, we should share experiences and relish the joy of discovery in ourselves and others.

If the first chakra, Muladhara, says, "I lived", the second chakra, Swadhistana says "I am alive".

Funny how we can choose just how "alive" we want to be.

Notes on the Chakras: Muladhara

I've studied the chakras for most of my life, long before I began practicing yoga for no other reason than the system makes sense to me. For the uninitiated, the chakras are the energy centers of the body located at various points along the spine, each associated with a nerve cluster or a set of glands. Energy or prana flows through these centers and manifests in many ways both psychologically, emotionally and even physically. Yoga, Qi Gong, Tai Chi and other systems manage these energy centers and encourage an open flow that generates vitality and health. Should the energy become blocked and stagnant, it is said that sickness and unease will arise.

I discovered Anodea Judith's Wheels of Life: A User's Guide to the Chakra System many years ago and the book is thick and packed full of everything you would ever need to know about the chakras and the traditions and history surrounding them. Anyone looking for more information should probably start there. She keeps things pretty straight forward and down to earth while offering tools to explore a very complex, very ancient system without glossing it over with the sugary sweetness that a lot of modern spiritual texts get bogged down in.

In my mind the chakra system is the software to the body's hardware, programs that run and can be altered and improved and that's what fascinates me. Think of the body as a machine and think of having access to the source code that runs the machine. Then consider that you not only have access to your own programming but can open your system to the network and tap into a greater consciousness. Or you could leave that alone and just optimize your own code and just feel better both physically, mentally and emotionally.

And that's an important point. You can actually take a step back from the philosophy of the chakra system and explore just the psychological level of the system and learn a lot. Each of the seven chakras has a element of the human condition that can be explored on several levels. Dive in a deep as you like but even if you only wade in ankle deep you will still discover things about your self with even the most modest of meditations.

So what follows are my notes and considerations of the chakras. I'll devote a post to each as I explore and articulate my experiences and thoughts of each one as a part of my journal-work for my immersion class. I state that this is mostly for me as I try to nail down some ideas and concepts that may be very subjective and I do not apologize for that. Read along if you like but just remember that nothing I say on this blog is true.

So. Chakra one. It's called Muladhara (root-support) in Sanskrit and it's located at the very base of the spine. It's associated with the element of earth and the adrenal glands which gives us the energy for our fight-or-flight response because that's what this chakra is all about. It is the anchor to this reality as we fight for survival in the physical world.

That's doesn't sound pretty, does it? Fighting for survival. We live in a civilized society, right? We don't have to fight for survival. We have grocery stores and fast food joints that cater to our hungers before we are even hungry. We are at the top of the food chain. Our paved roads and round bellies prove it. Right? No survival needed here. Just live, eat and die in your sleep. Safe and sound.

The problem is that your evolutionary consciousness hasn't caught up with our sense of civilization yet. Muladhara is the survival instinct bore of a million years of dark nights, frantic chases and desperate hunts. It the source of primal fear of many things but especially the dark and hunger. But that's only the down side. The up side is that Muladhara is also the source of our will to survive and our desire to make things better and more secure. But in the balance, we are just trying to survive.

And I'm fascinated by survival. When I was young, I read a book called My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George which is about a teenager who moves to the mountains to live off the land. I wouldn't recommend it as a treatise on how to survive in the wilderness but it caught the imagination of an insecure boy who desperately wanted to be secure. I wasn't naive enough to believe I could actually move to the mountains and live on berries and venison while befriending hawks and weathering winters in hollowed out trees but it did send me looking for survival manuals so that I could learn how to survive if it ever came to that. Survival manuals lead to some rather spartan camping trips to test the theories. And it was on one of those trips when I couldn't get a fire started on wet wood and a cold front was moving in that I had a primal realization that nature could kill me. That was an epiphany. A taste of mortality. Here I was doing my best to survive and nature had the audacity to try and kill me anyway.

It was a sobering and I realized that night that man is not necessarily at the top of the food chain. As a matter of fact, the food chain is rather flexible and twists back on itself sometimes. Human arrogance will state otherwise but I would point out that if you drop the average human naked in the middle of the savanna, the natural order according to humans gets jumbled up pretty quick. See that pride of lions over there? You can preach to them all day about your superior intellect and opposable thumbs but all they really care about is your soft underbelly and the fact that, compared to a zebra or a water buffalo, you're pretty easy to take down and probably a bit easier to chew.

Like I said, very sobering. But sometimes it's sobering thoughts like that that kick open that first chakra and stir up that will to survive, the will to carry on, the will to feel the fear and act accordingly. That's the balance. Feeling the fear and acting anyway.

Fear is not the enemy. Fear is the response to a dangerous situation and that's what we've forgotten in our well lit houses and comfy beds. Fear is not pleasant and it's not suppose to be. Fear is suppose to spur us into action that will lead to self preservation or help us avoid the situation all together. It's an evolutionary tool that serves us well if we let it.

But in this modern age, fears are much more abstract than ever before and we let fear become irrational fears that haunt us, control us and make us suffer but have no bearing on our actual survival. This comes from the fact that fear is really a sense of a lack of security and such a state will make humans do strange things to find that security again.

But what do we really need to survive? And what was the first thought that popped into your head when you read that question? I've heard a myriad of answers and most make a certain amount of sense when you follow the line of reasoning.  For instance, a working man might say "my truck" which makes sense when you realize that he works out of his truck and it's his transportation to the job sites. So, to survive, to get a paycheck, he needs his truck.

But do you see the abstraction? What do you really need to survive?

Another interesting answer is "my phone". Spoken by a modern teenager. Does that make sense? Well, in a way it does. To survive socially, he needs his phone. To remain a part of the group, the tribe, where it's safe and secure, he needs his phone.

Once again a layer of abstraction can be peeled away to reveal a core fear. And we could go on and on with the examples but they all lead back to the same conclusion.

What do we really need to survive? It's actually only three things: food, water and shelter. Some may scream about the missing social component and some may rail against the idea that you can live without love but those folks need to turn off the Disney channel and sit back down. We are talking about survival as in what does it take to live and persist. Not thrive and establish. Just live and persist. If we boil it down to basics, sometimes those abstractions melt away and life becomes extremely simple after your realize just how little you need to survive.

So what are you afraid of? Can you make a list and can you justify every entry on that list as a reasonable fear that actually threatens your survival? Can you edit the list in the light of day and weed out the abstractions and unreasonable fears by tracing them back to the source? Can you mitigate the fear by addressing the issue with logical solutions that provide a sense of security instead?  If you are afraid of the dark, buy a nightlight. If you worry about dark alleys, take a self-defense course (although most self-defense course would tell you to just avoid the dark alley). If you are afraid of spiders, make it a point to learn all you can about spiders. You might discover that the more you know the less you have to fear.

 Fear is the tool that keeps us safe but only if we respond and make ourselves safer. Otherwise we sit in fear and it begins to color our world and we begin to react instead of acting and that usually leads to bad places.

So there's a lot going on in this lowly chakra. Lots of energy moving in and out on a day to day basis as various situations may trip our fear response regardless of the levels of abstraction. Personally, I think this chakra is where most people stay most of the time on a psychological level. Just trying to get by is all this chakra cares about. It's also why I call it the "cha-ching" chakra because a paycheck in the hand will settle it right down with a warm fuzzy feeling deep in the gut while an empty bank account will stir it right up with that empty sinking feeling of dread.

It's all about security.

And it's interesting that as we travel up the spine one chakra at a time, this chakra may chime in at unexpected moments as other issues manifest while exploring those other energy centers. But the point is to listen and be aware, not control or ignore. This first chakra doesn't discriminate and to a certain degree it only has two states: secure and insecure. How you react to the information it provides is completely up to you.

And keep in mind that this is just the first step in a journey of self discovery so it pays to answer the most base questions as honestly as you can and deal with the darkness now. Fear is not pleasant but realizing that it's a tool to be used paves the way for higher orders of understanding and forges new paths through the tangle of consciousness that experience brings. It can be a very deep and revealing process but it begins with the question that must be asked over and over until we have a sense of security that gives us the foundation for further exploration.

What are your really afraid of?

Heavy Metal Yoga Revisited

A while back, I talked about the possible connection between yoga and the heavy metal music genre as well as a way that "negative" emotions may be processed in a positive way. Recently, I found this article that describes a metal yoga class and if it was closer geographically, I would be there with metaphorical bells on. I see what the teachers are doing (especially if you filter out the writer's cynicism). I get the idea on truly fundamental level that is thoroughly grounded in recent experiences with the purification process that comes with a regular practice.

Strange thing is, I don't think music and yoga mix well most of the time. When I'm practicing, I don't need the distraction. I want to be focused and I want to listen to Teacher's instructions and I want to take the experience inward as much as possible. I can't see how you would avoid working rhythmically which may be the point but I not sure I could do it without losing the breath with the movement and that's a challenge to me as it is. I think it's mostly a personal preference since I know the addition of music works very well for some but it's just normally just not for me.

But the experience described in the article with the low lighting and the more ambient stylings of fringe metal, I could see that creating an intense experience especially if someone was having trouble processing the "negative" emotions that may come up in a regular yoga practice.

Because yoga does pull it out of you. That's one of the revelations that has left me reeling a bit. I intellectually knew that a purification process would happen since I had read about it. I started feeling the effects within the first month even. But as the process continues and the meditations become deeper and the practice sessions become longer, more and more "stuff" comes bubbling up. Its jarring at times and disconcerting at others. Issues that you would have sworn had no bearing on the present come charging to the front of your mind along with the accompanying emotion that you no doubt suppressed at the time. Now you have to acknowledge it, express it and breath through it or suppress it and wait for it to come up another day. I choose breath most of the time but it's hard. The past is the past until you realize you're still living in parts of your past that you never let go. So you bend and you breath and let the emotion happen again only this time you experience it fully and let it go. Then the past is the past.

This is not necessarily a pretty process which brings us back to those negative emotions that may be associated with past situations. I can see denying the pain of the past and refusing the emotion that comes up simply from fear of that pain but if you can't get through it then it will always be there somewhere within your psyche, chewing its way through your system and manifesting in other ways. Letting the yoga practice ease this stuff out is better overall. But it can still be hard. And you won't find much open discussion about it online or elsewhere. Most are just looking for the physical exercise or they are chasing "bliss". You'll hear about the transformations and evolutions but I think the majority of yoga presented on the internet is coated with a thick layer of sugary sweetness that makes me want to go brush my teeth. I get chasing bliss but I'm not chasing the same bliss that I hear described most often.

Bliss for me is balance. Bliss is walking the middle road so that life becomes more full and alive and less reactive. The highs and lows are still there and will always be there as long as this body is part of the cycles of this world. But from the middle ground I can truly surrender to the highs and not succumb to the lows since I know the center. That is bliss. Surfing the center. Coasting through the troughs. Testing the stars at the crest. Returning to the center with a breath.

So the anchors and chains of the past have to go since you can't really surf the center when you are constantly being dragged into some past drama. But it's not going to be pleasant and that's why I think that the metal yoga would work. Here I stand in a dark room. With dark music. Staring down the past and daring it to come up so it can be fully realized and gone. Having slogged through some pretty wild experiences over the last month I can barely imagine what would come up and I may be wrong to feel so combative about facing those demons since those demons are just me on a bad day from long ago but I kind of like the idea of going on the offensive.

Or maybe it's just better to let it happen as a natural evolution. I'm not really far enough into this to advocate one way or the other. But I'm open to the ideas and that alone may be enough to scare some of those demons up and out on their own.

Here are the links for convenience and the curious:

http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/2013/10/heavy_metal_yoga.php
http://blackyoga.blogspot.com/

Knocking on the Sky Part 2

Addiction sucks.

I'm not sure this particular experience qualifies since I've had a much harder time giving up things like sugar and nicotine but it's still a serious challenge to wade through the symptoms of withdrawal knowing that relief is a simple cup of coffee away.

Today the lethargy let up significantly only to be replaced by deep seated headaches. A little bit of ibuprofen solved that so it really hasn't been that bad. Perception has slowed and mentally I'm not as sharp but I think that will come back in time. Still breathing and, in a fortunate twist of fate, tonight's yoga class focused on pranayama and that pretty much killed the last of the symptoms. For now at least. I wish I had known even a little about breathwork with I gave up cigarettes the first time.

As far as the meditation practice, I'm finding the cave pretty quickly but at this point in the process, the symptoms pull me out.  So that will get better with time. Dreamtime continues to be longer, more fluid and more involved.

The experiment continues tonight and tomorrow.

Knocking on the Sky

So I gave up coffee this week as part of a little experiment.

The meditations have become deeper and more meaningful as an extension of the yoga practice but I've detected obstacles. I can sit and find a little cave in my mind and rest there for a moment or two, observing thoughts as they pass by the entrance the cave, trying not to judge. Just watching for as long as I can until I get lost in the stream again. It gets easier with practice and the time in the cave gets longer and longer and sometimes the thoughts zipping by actually slow down and every great once in a while . . . they stop. And that's where it gets interesting. In the absence of thought is the magnification of the moment and that's when harmony settles in and there is peace.

But getting to that sacred point takes all kinds of practice and, while I'm happy with my progress so far through the immersion course, I want the meditation side of things to be more focused and available. I want to capitalize on my success and move forward but to do so means pinpointing anything that's in the way or detrimental to the process.

So we first need to analyze the process. And it should be stated that the experience of meditation can be very subjective. A person can be told exactly what to do and how to do it but as that person begins the practice, her experience will be her own and I think that's why so many get frustrated and quit. People like rules and structure and they want to know exactly what's going to happen and what to expect and how to gauge success. This gets tricky since the gauge of success in this instance has more to do with what you are not doing as opposed to what you are doing right. Another source of frustration is that some who would write books on the subject get locked into the idea that their way is the only way and so when someone tries their way and fails, they assume they will never succeed and give up all together.

So the key is to take everything with a proverbial grain of salt and experiment. Read books, watch videos, listen to cd's or, better yet, just do it and find your own way.

So back to analyzing the practice.  For me, that means sitting or lying in a quiet place and breathing.  Most of the time I use ujjayi which calms the mind and fuels the system or I might use a rhythmic breath for a more structured approach. Depending on the day, the mood, the moon and so on, I should be in a relaxed state of mind in a few minutes.  Then I try to sink my awareness inward and sit. Thoughts still rush by but I try to observe as opposed to participating. Usually, the more I breath, the more I observe, the slower the thoughts become until I can listen to something else. The thoughts almost become background noise that can be ignored.

Now all of this is on a good day, usually after a heavy yoga session at the studio and before the worries of the world come crashing back down. There is the cadence of the breath and an inner awareness of worked muscles and open spaces. On a not so good day I might not get past just slowing the thoughts down for a little while and following the breath. That's ok though. I know that my blood pressure has dropped at the very least and that's worth the practice in itself.

But let's assume a good day. Thoughts are slowing down and I can listen. I might check in on the chakras but for the most part, I just observe. But what is that in the background? It's not a thought really or a song. It's just static, like a old tv tuned to a dead channel. Interference really.

And what could be causing that? Well, caffeine is the primary suspect at this point and I didn't even have to think that hard to come to that conclusion.  My normal intake is about two cups of coffee in the morning, tea for lunch, either coffee or (gasp!) an energy drink in the afternoon and then tea for dinner. Sometimes a lot of tea for dinner. So my intake is high and I'm almost certain it's the source the static.  But let's experiment and find out for sure.

So for this week, no coffee and we are switching to green tea. Next week i may try giving up the green tea if this produces the desired effect even though there is a remarkable difference between the caffeine's of green tea, black tea and coffee. Case in point, I drank one cup of green tea yesterday morning instead of my normal two cups of coffee and I swear reality still dropped into low gear. Time actually appeared to be moving at a completely different rate sans coffee. It was actually pretty fascinating and pretty annoying.  Mid-afternoon is a nightmare of sluggishness and slow thinking. I also noticed a lack of balance in the yoga practice last night but then I remembered kapalabhati which is an energizing breath and after a few rounds I felt pretty normal.

I also noticed an increase in dream time while I was sleeping last night which is very interesting but makes sense. But that could be psychosomatic.

So this morning began with more kapalabhati and green tea and reality still seems downshifted but some of the sluggishness is already lifting. I had an intermediate yoga class tonight that left me pretty wrung out (in a good way) and I think moved me even further into detox than I was.

I'll meditate tonight and report back tomorrow but I'm amazed as the difference already.

Project Update: Raku and Melomels

On Sunday, I discovered that I had an almost full tank of propane and that completely derailed my carefully constructed list of chores since I knew I had bisque sitting on a shelf just waiting for a new glaze recipe. So some chores were ditched and some hurried through so I could get have enough daylight to at least get started. I don't mind finishing in the dark. It makes it easier to see into the kiln.  

So I whipped out one of my favorite sources for alternative firing methods (Alternative Kilns & Firing Techniques) and worried over the recipes in the back until I came across a copper matte that I hadn't noticed before that included copper carbonate and cobalt oxide. I use copper all the time, always looking for that splash of shiny penny or hint of red. Adding cobalt to the mix means blues are almost guaranteed especially with the oxide as opposed to the carbonate.  Not really sure how this particular recipe escaped me for so long  but it would be the glaze of the day.

So there was some scurrying and some glazing and some set up but in short order a tongue of orange flame graced the chimney of the kiln while I worked through a yoga routine on the nearby porch.

That was a bit of an experience. It was dark save for the light from the kiln as I focused on my own breath while using that rumbling white noise of the focused flame to keep me centered. Then I bent into an arch from a warrior pose, opened my eyes and saw the stars above. There was a perfect moment there. The kiln breathed and I breathed and I could feel the stars breathing as the flame danced and the glazes ran and created something new in the crucible of intent. No thought, no worry, no past, no future, no focus beyond the moment when all the factors and variables evaporate and there is only peace. Harmony, even.

How long did it last? Not long since warrior poses are still a bit of a challenge for me and I fell out, practically on my head. That arching back thing is way harder than it looks. But the moment was there, however brief and fleeting.

And glaze was a success. It's a basic copper matte that has been done to death in pottery circles but I still love it. Beautiful metallic colors and crazy effects, along with smoke, fire and no shortage of danger is why I got into pottery in the first place.

I have more bisque ready to go so we'll be visiting with the glaze again in the near future, maybe even with some of the larger pieces I've been working on.

But speaking of projects, I racked out the latest melomel mead. I gave it a taste during the transfer but I can't tell yet if we obtained honey-peachy goodness.  I used frozen peaches which wasn't discouraged in all the online sources but wasn't considered optimum either. But I didn't think about a peach mead until after the local peach festival so it's my own fault if this just doesn't work out.

The melomels and sweetened meads are a bit more trouble than they are worth, I'm finding. I prefer dry meads anyway and I think I want to start working with larger batches. You can get about four 750ml bottles out of a 1 gallon carboy which should translate into about twenty bottles out of a 5 gallon carboy. Now that I have the procedure down, I 'm not as worried about ruining a large batch.

Still thinking about bees so I can harvest my own honey but do I really need another project?

Probably not.

But it wouldn't it be cool to make mead with your own honey?

Eh, we'll leave "bee keeping " on the future project list and see what happens.

The Last Mask You Will Ever Wear

A lot of the processes of yoga seem geared towards revealing the "authentic self" which I find fascinating. The dissolution of the ego is a hobby of mine. I'm always curious about what lies beneath, what lives at the very core of a person's being. What did you come into this life with and what parts did you create as you lived and grew into the person you are now?

Perhaps some definitions are in order before we get started because the word "ego" is used to mean a lot of different things. For instance, we could be talking about the Freudian definition of ego in all it's myriad of forms and functions but that can get cumbersome. I mean, supposedly modern psychology has disproven Freud's theories a thousand times over but they still love to bounce ideas off his tombstone.

Or we could be talking about Jung's persona. I like this one a lot better since its close to the concepts I like to discuss. Pesona is the social construct a person presents to the world. But this theory can get mired in psychobabble as fast as anything Freud ever came up with so we'll make our own definition so we can play with the idea and see where it takes us.

So the ego or the persona  is the mask we wear, the construct we present to the world for a variety of reasons sometimes voluntary, other times not. We do not come into this life with it on. We build as we grow and have experiences until there is no discernible difference between who we are and the mask we wear.

Now, some would argue that that's life. Tabula Rasa and all that. We come in and have to create who we are from the experiences we have. But my own experience runs counter to this. Through a variety of means and methods, I've caught glimpses of the "authentic self" in myself and others. We came in with something and then we build masks.

And what's wrong with that? Maybe that's what we come here to do. Make new masks, make new selves, explore different ways of being. But my problem is the automatic duality of the situation. If I know it's a mask, how can I be sure that my reaction to any given situation is authentic? What if a mask I wear was not one of my choosing but created as a means of survival during a horrible experience? Wouldn't my actions become a reflection, not of my true self, but of the face I had to create to survive? I can't see those actions as  authentic. I want to be in a space where I act at my own volition, not react based on a social construct I've designed to hide from the world.

So, I want to act authentically and to do that I have to see behind the masks.

So who are you?

 Most would answer, "My name is so-and-so. I live in some-place." So let's start chipping away at the limitations of language when searching for the self by saying you are not allowed to use your name.

So now who are you?

See the difference? Feel the catch in your throat when your identity is suddenly questioned? Our own name is one of the first masks we wear. It's the way we identify ourselves in the world. Take the name away and we have to suddenly think on an existential level. Who am I?

Some find that it's a very uncomfortable situation to be in.

Language is one of the most interesting barriers to authenticity. If you think about, how much of your reality is not really your reality but merely the description of your reality that you keep running through your head? You sit in a "chair". Your feet are on the "floor". Your "hand" holds a "drink" or the "mouse".

An interesting experiment is to go outside and contemplate a tree but forbid yourself from using the word "tree" to describe it. In theory you could contemplate anything for the sake of this experiment but a tree is big and alive and it can fill your field vision. You almost have to acknowledge it's existence. So study it, stare at it, absorb the details but banish the word "tree" from your inner dialogue. Can you do it? Can you hold the entity before you in your attention without assigning it a label?

Because that's it really. We assign labels to mitigate reality and we depend on those labels for communication and organization. But in assigning these labels, we are also assigning limitations.

So who are you? Are you the label?

A label is a limitation.

So at this point we can actually separate out some of the masks we wear as nothing more than labels we use to identify our place in reality. Some we may have had assigned to us by loved or loathed ones as we grew and developed. Some we may need to destroy or at the very least need to set aside. Others we may want to keep as a legitimate construct of this life.

For instance, it took me years to become comfortable with calling myself an artist. It's something that most artists go through and it has to do with perceived ability and self esteem and even, to a certain degree, the definition of "an artist" by a given culture. I created the mask called "artist" and it took me years to get used to wearing it.  The interesting thing is that the minute I was comfortable wearing the mask, I suddenly realized I didn't need it. I could put the mask aside and just do art and that art, I hope, is a direct expression of my authentic self. That's an effect of this process of ego dissolution. I may not even call myself an artist anymore and just do art. Which is ironic. I spent so many years creating that mask, that label. But to set it aside and let the actions speak louder than the label seems very authentic to me. I'm not going to throw away the mask. Sometimes society needs to see the mask they expect to see. But I don't have to wear it. Art is what I do. It's an expression of who I am.

So some masks, some labels are good. And some are bad. Some we need to keep and some we need to throw away. I think each person should choose their own tactics as they see fit since many wouldn't know how to act without the limitations that labels bring. Boundaries make some feel safe and that's fine. Others may need to take inventory of the self and decide if it's time to throw out the masks that make life harder, especially if those masks were created by someone else. Living with your own limitations is one thing. Living with the limitations assigned to you by someone else is unnecessary.

So who are you? Could you sit in meditation and wander the halls of your ego and gaze upon the gallery of masks that this life has created and maybe clear a few out? Could you address the ones that make you comfortable and be honest as to why they make you comfortable? Could you destroy the ones that aren't yours?

And could you find that final mask? Can you see what's behind it?

That's what I'm looking for. That final mask.

Behind it lies the authentic self and that's what I need to see.

Book Reviews from the Reading List: Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving into Stillness

I'm moving through a lot of reading material both online and off as part of my immersion class. There is a lot to try out and a lot to process but all of it is fascinating in its own right on some level. But up to this point I haven't really found a book or video that broke the experience of yoga down and delivered it from a beginner's perspective.  Most assume prior knowledge and can even be intimidating, showing fairly advance poses with little build up or advice on how to get there. Even more just cover the asanas, ignoring the breathing and meditation, which is fine, I guess, but not I think yoga is more like a recipe and why would you leave an ingredient out of a recipe and still expect the certain results?

Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving into Stillnesscame up on the reading list and I think the title had me expecting a little more philosophy and less practical application. But as it turns out, I think I found the textbook that should go with any yoga course. It breaks down the hows and whys and wherefores from the very beginning, answering some questions I didn't even know I had. It is very quotable and an easy and engrossing read and very thorough in its approach.  If someone didn't have access to a teacher, I think this book would be enough to get a student started on their own. A teacher is always preferable of course but the layout of the information in this book could easily lend itself to self-study.

He covers philosophy (without getting sappy) and breathing and "playing with the edge" in terms of how far you should push a pose. I think my favorite section so far is "How to Combine Breath and Movement". Good, clear advice on how to coordinate movement and breath which gets a little tricky for me sometimes. My focus often locks on one or the other, the movement or the breath, and then I can't remember if I was breathing in or out and then I'm falling over. It's a learning process of course and an interesting part of the challenge.

The majority of the book is devoted to step by step instructions to the asanas, including what they work, what they are intended for, how to do the pose and the benefits of the pose. I like that the tone stays very casual and conversational. It could have become just another encyclopedia of poses but it stays friendly and approachable all the way through.

I still have a lot more books and other materials to move through so I not ready to award the "If You Buy One Book on Yoga" prize just yet but this one is a strong contender for that most coveted award. But I'm still reading.

A word of warning: Some of the reviews on Amazon mention that the pictures were kicked to the back of the Kindle version instead of the picture of each pose appearing next to its description. This will not work. The pictures need to go with the poses. I'm normally a fan of the Kindle versions but in this instance I would avoid it.

Ponderings from the Wheelhead

My schedule is pretty full at the moment so I'm not spending as much time at the wheel as I would prefer. But I take advantage of the time I have and I'm working on larger art pieces instead of the functional ware I normally focus on. So, in a way, I'm back in training, pottery-wise, since I haven't worked with larger pieces in some time and I don't get to practice as much as I used to. So each session is almost myself teaching myself, using the same lessons I would normally give a student. Recently, I found myself obsessing over every piece of advice I ever gave to nervous students while about five pounds of clay swirled around my hand and, in the process, I caught myself staring at my outside hand as my inside hand pushed out the clay. My focus should have been on the inside hand as it created the space. So I closed my eyes and started to work by pushing and feeling with the hand I couldn't see.

This can confuse a new student fairly quickly so I usually try to cover it early on. The inside hand pushes and shapes. The outside hand supports and guides. A beginner's instinct is to watch the outside hand and try to do too much with what you can see rather than focusing on the inside hand that actually needs to do the work.

I usually tell the nervous student, "It's not the outside of the pot that makes the pot. It's the emptiness inside the pot that makes the pot".  Which is a straight up Taoist concept.  The outer shape is a reflection of the space within. The focus should be on creating the inner space.

This has provoked more than a few blank stares which leaves an opening to elaborate and carry the lesson forward. But I've always been fascinated by the fact that some get hung up on the idea of emptiness being the focus. I think it's largely due to the Western notion that emptiness is bad. You wouldn't want something that's empty. Full is better. Empty is depressing. One shouldn't want an empty cup. Or stomach. Or house. Full means abundance and a lack of want or need while emptiness is the epitome of want and need.

But another way to look at it is that emptiness is potential. Stuff can happen, things can change, there is room to grow in the space that emptiness provides. An empty stomach can be a depressing thing but it also has the potential to be filled with an excellent meal. It's an extension of "the glass is half full/half empty" meme that is bit more philosophically flexible and a little less absolute.

Another interesting relevant Taoist concept is the Void.  Now, from what I understand, the term "Void" is a poor translation of the actual concept but it's the closest that linguists can get to a very complex construct of the "resting potential" that the universe emerges from. Pretty heady stuff but another neat way to think of emptiness: Resting potential. Ready to change, waiting to be filled and utilized.

The pot is formed by creating the potential that is the emptiness and that potential is reflected in its exterior shape.

So the clay was spinning and the shape was forming as I discovered the emptiness and I found myself considering the fact that my outer reality is also a reflection of my inner potential just like the pot. And that begs the question: What is being reflected? Is it the true reflection of the potential or is it a reflection of the psychological clutter that anyone would gather over the course of a lifetime? That's a sticky one. Some would say that the clutter is manifestations of ego and all of it should discarded. I'm not so sure about that. Some of the clutter might have yielded a positive change and while the particulars should be abandoned maybe the change should be incorporated into the potential. Perhaps the change even made it's own space.

Still, an inner reality house cleaning may be in order. Go through the clutter and throw out the trash, organize what's left and, most importantly, rediscover the spaces within. Create the space to grow and change.

And to continue with the analogy, I think that meditation is the way to explore the house and yoga is a way to clear the clutter. Or at least begin to. As this practice develops, I'm noticing the created spaces but there are also a few boxes tucked in corners that I can't throw away yet. But I know they're there and I can get to them eventually. The point is I am finding space. I'm discovering potential.

But what is being reflect even as the clutter is being cleared and the spaces created? Is the true self even in there any more? Or is it all ego?

I think it's time to delve deeper into this ego thing and examine the relationship between labels and limitations.

But that's going to take some thought and I'm still making space.

Yoga and Pottery

The asanas of yoga are practiced with the intent of preparing for seated meditation so I shouldn't be surprised by the fact that a yoga practice would help with working on the wheel.

I haven't had much time to get my hands muddy since I started the immersion program. As a matter of fact, last Sunday was the first time I really had a chance to sit and work for any length of time. I think I've mentioned before that what I found inspiring about yoga was that it got me to that quiet place that I experience when working on the wheel for a while. What I noticed as I sat down and got to work was that I found that quiet space much faster than I ever had before.  Just me, the clay and the hum of the wheel. I let the clay do what it wanted for the most part and was pretty satisfied with the outcome.

Now working on the wheel is not conducive to good posture. You can try to keep your back straight but you won't get far since you need to lean into the clay for leverage and your elbows need to be braced, sometimes on your knees, sometimes on your side so you spend some time hunched over. Getting up can be a painful exercise of unkinking the bowed spine as you rise up and stagger around for a minute clutching your lower back. Or at least that's how I used to get up after an hour or so on the wheel.

This time was different. I threw three mediums sized pieces. And then got up and took several steps to the drying rack before I stopped and wondered at the lack of pain and stiffness. There was none.  Not even a twinge. After years of rising hunched and sore, I just stood up and walked like it was nothing.

I've always had back issues, including a herniated disc, and I can say definitively that yoga helps. As a matter of fact it helps a lot. We spend a lot of time in class stretching the spine and twisting and, at first blush, I expected there to be more pain. After years of problems I'm a bit paranoid about anything concerns the spine and maybe even a bit overprotective. But the stretching, the twisting, the opening of the vertebrae has alleviated almost all of my symptoms and, as my core gets stronger, my confidence goes up. I'm not going to push it too far and I still follow all the basic rules (lift with legs, don't twist and lift, etc.) but still it's amazing how fast a steady practice has helped a problem that has plagued me for years.

And getting up from the wheel pain-free is my own little personal victory against getting older. I can't do a headstand yet and I am far from a full lotus but I think I'll measure success by these small achievements and relish the fact that one of my favorite activities no longer punctuated by pain.

The Perfect Village

So what about the slow dissolution of the ego? Is it a good thing or not? Should we let it go and seek a unity of spirit with the cosmos or nurture it and define ourselves fully as a an entity in this reality? 

That's probably the big question for anyone. And everyone may have a different answer. Did you come into this life to be something particular so you could explore a state of being? Or did you come in to learn how to let it all go and become consciously aware of this reality, one eternal moment at a time?

As usual, it could be a little of both.  You came in with a plan to explore a state of being that would lead you to a greater awareness or even a singular awareness that the mystics speak of in revered tones.

Or you could just be along for the ride, ready to help others on their paths.

"The Perfect Village" is the thought experiment I use to discuss concepts of reincarnation with someone who may have trouble with the idea but is genuinely interested in talking about it. It goes like this:

Imagine a perfect village, nestled in a forest with a picturesque town square surrounded by ancient buildings. Everyone lives and no one dies and all is well. Existence is fairly stable. One might even say eternal. But one day, a group of youngsters realizes that there are various roads that lead out of town and this causes quite a stir. Why are the roads there? Where do these roads lead? Have they always been there? What are they for?

The old-timers sitting under awnings at the edge of the square just shrug and smile and offer no information. Undeterred, the youngsters gather in the park and make a plans. Each will choose a road and they will travel down a ways and then return and report back to the others about what they find. So each ventures out and after a time they begin to return. And each has a different story.  Some marvel at the wonders they saw while others speak of horrors and pain. Some paths were very short. Other paths were long and winding, with multiple forks so that decisions had to be made. Some left things undone before they had to return. Some didn't return at all.

The stories are exchanged and new ventures are planned since one heard tales of a path that she now wants to see for herself. Another wants to go back and finish what was started. Others ask for help from friends because the path was hard and they need help to finish the experience. Some wanted to go and find those that didn't return. Each has learned and discovered and grown from the experience and there is so much to explore that the idea of not going only occurs to a scant few.

So new paths are chosen and the young ones strike out again. And again.

And the old ones sit in the shade, shake their heads and smile, remembering the days when they used to pick a path.

It's an interesting way to present a very ancient idea. (I also like The Egg by Andy Weir as an idea engine to get the mind to relax around the idea of infinity.) A lot of times it leads to a discussion about which path you would have chosen in that situation. Would you have selected a dangerous path, a safe path, a path rife with decisions points? Or would could you have possible just gone along to help?

Personally, I think that's where I noticed a crack in the hard edge of my ego. My path may not be my path. I might just be here to meet someone one at some time to say or do something that's almost scripted so that a set of experiences happen that was agreed upon. Is that possible? And then what is the ego except the part you play? 

Think about that. The ego is just the part you play.

So what happens when you toss out the script and improvise? Is that bad? Wasn't the Universe expecting you to hold up your end of the script?

Not necessarily. I think that it's possible to ditch the script, become aware and walk the path consciously. The ego is gone and the way is suddenly clear. Forks in the road become conscious choices as opposed to blind decisions spurred by a function of the ego. Bumps and potholes suddenly become opportunities to learn and grow. The path becomes golden, your experience more real. 

The ego just defines the part. And now I'm curious about the actor playing the part. Can I even say that I know him?

Which brings us back to the slow dissolution of the ego. A gentle perusal of what lies beneath the veneer of a carefully (or perhaps not so carefully) defined role.  I am not proposing radical changes. I just want to test the edges and see if I can live a bit more consciously and a little less driven. 

Although, that alone could lead to some very interesting forks in the path.

New Yoga Mat Review: myMAT by Manduka

I went with a cheap 3mm basic mat from the local big box to get started but quickly discovered that 3mm isn't enough for my trick knee at the moment. At the same time I didn't want something so think that it took away from the balancing postures. I am quickly learning that I need to feel the floor to balance and since balance is one of my challenges, I'm not going to put a 1/2 inch of foam between me and the floor.

The next size up at the local big box was a 5mm thick mat.  The 3mm mat ran about ten dollars while the 5mm, sporting a whopping 2 more millimeters, was sixteen dollars and the same dimensions. From there, they went to 1/2 inch thick fitness mats that were actually shorter that the yoga mats for around twenty dollars.

So I was done with the big box.

I started looking online and almost immediately found  1/4 inch myMAT from Manduka and then spent some time staring at a ruler trying to decide if a 1/4 inch was too thick or too thin. But the price was right, the reviews were good and it was longer than the mat I had so I decided to take the chance.

So two days later (thank you, Amazon Prime), I had the mat and I got a first hand look at the thickness. Not too thick, not too thin. Probably just right. But it would take a couple of sessions at the studio to really test it.

A couple of the reviews on Amazon mentioned a chemical smell once you take it out of the package and I noticed it as well but after a wipe down with mild soap and water and the laying out for a day, the smell was gone. Even up close.

Now, I've had it for two classes, an energetic Beginner II class and a more rooted and pose heavy Intermediate/Advanced class. The new mat performed well in both.  It stays where you put it and is just sticky enough to give you some footing without being so sticky you have to peel it off everytime you move. The 1/4 inch padding is just right between a hard surface and a sometimes tender knee without sacrificing the grounding effect of feeling the floor. I like the extra length (74 inches) although I could probably even use and extra inch or two but then I would be sucking up real estate in class so I think I can make do.

So for the money, it's a great mat for the level I'm at. I could spend a lot more money on a fancier mat (check the link to the store at the top of the page for some pricier selections) but I think this one could take me quite a ways into this new practice.

There are other colors available as well.  Here's the link for shopping and parusal:  1/4 inch myMAT from Manduka

Yoga, Heavy Metal and World Peace

I'm trying not to drown in the near infinite sea of information that is the Internet concerning all things yoga to the point that I've declared a moratorium on surfing the subject until I'm further along. There is so much information out there and some of it doesn't match up. So I will stick to the reading list and pay attention in class for now and focus. Teacher has mentioned once or twice how it's possible to be addicted to information which can rob you of the experience of the moment and I swear she's looking at me every time she brings it up.

But, still, I have found some things and made some observations.  For instance, this site explains mudras which are various hand positions that provide a variety of effects. My understanding is that "mudra" basically means "energy seal". Very interesting stuff and it explains of a lot of the meditation poses one might see where the fingers are curled in various configurations while resting on the knees or lap.

One mudra in particular caught my eye which was the Apana Vayu Mudra which is the "Gesture of the Heart". According to this particular website, at least. And it just so happens to bear a remarkable resemblance to this pop-culture gesture.

Well, that's a bit of a coincidence. Could there possibly be a connection? Is the the ancient practice of yoga the original one way ticket to midnight? Could the most noble and righteous genre of rock music be the yang to yoga's yin, approaching the quiet mind and tranquility of the perfect moment from the direction of staccato solo and the grounding influence of a solid bass line backed up by a double drum kit? Is it possible to find the end of the ego in the cacophony of energetic sound or the symphonic chaos of a Metallica album? Could this be the end solution? The unifying theory of everything? Could an enlightened physicist look down at his hands, one folded in the Apana Vayu Mudra, the other hand slowly rising to salute those who are about to rock, and suddenly realize just how connected it all is? He could write the perfect equation that would bind the quiet to the riot and bring us limitless energy from power chord and wailing voice screaming incomprehensible lyrics.

Could the power of heavy metal yoga finally bring peace to the world?

Ok, probably not.

I consulted with Teacher and the version of the Apana Vayu Mudra she is familiar with is more like this. You touch your two middle fingertips to the tip of your thumb and then tuck the first finger to the base of the thumb. It still looks a little like the metal horns but not quite. I point again to how much information is out there and how much of it doesn't match up and I trust Teacher over the Internet.

However, I did some research and the wikipedia article on the origin of the horny gesture again is a lesson on the amazing fluidity of modern culture. For the lazy, Ronnie James Dio of Black Sabbath fame actually took the gesture from his Italian grandmother who used it as a ward against the evil eye but the subculture of metal took it and owned it as their salute. So when metal fans throw up the horns towards their favorite song or band, they are actually warding against the evil eye.

As I said, the fluidity of modern culture is amazing.

But this all did force me to reminisce and consider a few things.  Back in the nineties, I worked as a roadie and ran lights for a local band which gave me the opportunity to surf the edge of the music scene and explore a wide range of venues and environments. And I found myself making certain assumptions. In a country bar, there is going to be a fight at some point. In a bar that plays classic rock, there is going to be a fight. At some point. Even in dance clubs, I saw a brawl or two (if a bunch of loose wristed, slap fighting counts as a brawl).

But in the metal bars, which I probably frequented more often, I don't really remember that many fights.

Now some would say that the mosh pit was it's own fight. For the uninitiated, the mosh pit is the area in front of the main stage where dancers (usually men) don't really dance as much as they bounce and slam into each other to the beat of the music. To the same uninitiated, it probably looks like a brawl but it's really not. I enjoyed a pit or two. Or three. And the dynamic was energetic but strangely safe. In my experience, if someone went down, those around him pulled back and picked him up. If someone was obviously in trouble, this strange, morphing group hug would happen so that the person would be transferred to the edge and deposited into the nearest chair to catch is breath. If someone was obviously trying to get truly violent, the same group hug thing would happen until they were ejected into the waiting arms of burly bouncers. In my experience, no one wanted to get anyone hurt (too badly, anyway) because it would stop the music.

Let's not sugar coat it though. There was anger. There was rage. You could feel it blazing off the mob like the heat from a wildfire and this should be expected when a bunch of twenty-somethings sweating testosterone get amped up on fairly angry sounding music and choose to express the pent up rage of the insecure youthful mind in the form of violent dancing. But that's just it. They were expressing their rage and anger in an appropriate venue. As strange as that may seem. One could even bear witness to the relaxed faces and easy smiles at the end of the night. The rage was expressed and it was gone. At least for a little while.

(Side Rant: Before any of you take what I'm saying and run out to schedule your six-year old's next birthday at the nearest metal venue because it's full of happy, shiny people, please be reminded that I'm using one aspect of my own experience to to illustrate a point. Metal, for the most part, is pretty dark and scary. That's why it's called metal. To be fair, a lot of bands and musicians have come out against the pits due to injuries or even deaths but I can only report on my experiences and note that my experiences occurred in smaller, more intimate venues instead of stadiums were mob mentality can easily overrule common sense. Also, I think modern metal is trying too hard to push on taboos and social boundaries in an attempt to stay relevant. The music seems to be getting lost in favor of stunts and stage gags. Old metal is the best metal and if you want to explore some of the history and variations, I present to you the Map of Metal.  :End Side Rant)

So can metal, as dark and sinister as it is, teach us something about the emotional reality of the common human?

Little baby humans are trained early that some emotions are bad. The parents may not even realize that the training is happening. They just want to get control of the wailing two-year old throwing a tantrum in the middle of the grocery aisle. The child is expressing anger and the parents explain to the child that expressing that emotion in that venue is inappropriate. The child hears a bunch of big words but gets the gist that expressing anger is bad.

And so we grow into emotionally constipated adults, pushing down "inappropriate" emotions until they fester and ooze out through other avenues or, worse, we explode in a spectacular fashion and then feel guilty for the damage done.

I personally don't believe in "bad" emotions. Emotions are the security system of the spirit and the body. We make them into more than that through a bunch of intellectual voodoo but in the end it's just the way the body and spirit are kept safe.

Let's use our metal example: Anger is considered a negative emotion. Unchecked it makes people do remarkably stupid things. But what about anger expressed toward an injustice? What about the anger that often pushes people into action to make a situation better? Is that anger wrong?

What about fear? Fear makes us run away or fight. Fear is considered a negative emotion. But in a dangerous situation, fear can be your best friend as long as you don't fall into a fetal position and fail to act. Consider the fact that fear is there to give your body an adrenaline boost to help you through that dangerous situation. Fear is not negative. One's reaction to fear is what is negative. Also, admitting to one's fears and justifying them is a road to self-discovery. Honestly, the only time one should experience fear is when the physical body is in obvious trouble. If a person lives their life in fear then that person should ask some hard questions about the true sources of those fears.

What about jealousy? That's a tricky one. Jealousy usually stems from self-esteem issues or a lack of faith in a certain relationship. Of any "negative" emotion, jealousy is often the most revealing if one is honest with oneself as to why they are feeling jealous. Am I judging myself and coming up short? Am I judging the relationship and its not what I think? How honest can you be with yourself? Here, again, is another passport to self-discovery. If you can't be honest about the feelings that certain situation generates you will continue to have those feelings until they eat you alive. Process the feelings honestly and see what happens.

Let's even take on the biggie: Hate. It's wrong to hate. But once again what if the hate is justified? I can hate racism. I can hate bigotry. I can hate corporate welfare. Is that wrong? Hate is really just the child of fear and anger. What do I fear? What am I angry about?

And, for all of these, how do I express it? Or do I express it? Can I express it and then question it and try to answer to the true source of the emotion? As I see it, the problem with these "negative" emotions isn't so much their potential negativity. It's the fact that if I have to ask myself about the source of the emotion and be honest with myself, I may not like the answer. It's easy to look at ourselves in a mirror when we are all shiny and happy. Looking in that mirror when I'm seething with jealousy or boiling with anger is not pleasant but it is the fastest way to find those dark corners of the soul that may need to be cleaned out.

We can bring this back to yoga with another observation: A good practice gives you the tools to process the emotions and express them. The revelation for me is how effective breathwork is for releasing a pent up emotional experience so much so that the problem of finding a healthy avenue of expression for a "negative" emotions is solved. For example, work made me angry. A few breaths, a few asanas and I'm not angry any more and I can evaluate the situation from a neutral standpoint and decide if the emotional response was justified or was I overreacting.  Know what? Sometimes it is justified and that's when my anger can be directed to possibly change the situation. The energy is expressed and redirected to a potential positive solution. It's much better than having a screaming meltdown in the grocery aisle that your inner toddler wants you to have.

Also, the emotional landscape evens out considerably with a consistent practice. There are still highs and lows but the transition is smoother.  "Negative" emotions sneak up on you less and you can express and question without being ambushed. The "positive" emotions are a lot more focused and full. The breathing and movements ease out repressed emotions and provide a clarity that helps you answer some of those "why" questions. And answering "why" can only lead you to a centered calm in matters of spiritually and, personally, the centered calm is the place I want to be.

Even so, I do miss the mosh pit. I miss its visceral honesty of expression. We can't always let the emotion go that freely in a so-called civilized society.

But I can take the example, know the power of the expression and the freedom of letting go, express in other ways and learn. I see this, now, at this point in the journey as the path to a centered calm.

And, personally, a centered calm is the place I want to be.